(BELATED) TOFURKEY DAY - PART TWO

I'm a little late on this post ... let's just say I was on such a high that I kept opening and closing my fridge to smile at my left overs. Oh, also I had a 13 hour travel day and am moving apartments so am currently surrounded by boxes. What better way to procrastinate than to put on Breaking Bad and blog.

Run down of my first time ever cooking vegan thanksgiving. It also coincides with my first time ever cooking thanksgiving. Shocker, I know.

Mile One: Decided to tackle vegan thanksgiving. It wasn't much of a decision since if I didn't, I'd be eating the jarred cranberry sauce all night while everyone else feasted. And I hate cranberry sauce.

Mile Two: See post below. Onions aren't my best friend. My mom looked over my shoulder with a lot of comments like "ohhh, that looks interesting."

Mile Three: I'm not sure how many miles I'm running today. I just started with this mile one thing and now I'm off ... half regretting it. Side note on miles: sister and fiance ran five miles this morning. Nature versus nurture strikes again.

Mile Six: Let's skip ahead a little. Things I never realized about cooking:

- there's a shitload to chop if you want it to taste good. I guess that's why my food never tastes good ... I don't put anything in it. I just kind of heat a skillet and throw one (maybe two) ingredients in.

- Recipes. They're not so bad if you don't feel dumb rereading them sixteen times. Why haven't I used them before?

- MUCH easier to cook when you have a stocked kitchen. Why the hell does my mom have all this stuff?! Oh right ... adults.

Mile Ten: Ooops. Forgot to time the cooking of dishes. My method for madness was to start with the one I wanted to eat while cooking the others - stuffing. Forgot that I still had three dishes after that and was sharing the kitchen with my very hyper sister cooking loads and loads of caramel-chocolate popcorn. Totally cute DYI project for hostess gift that I would never ever try to tackle. Way too sticky. Realized my timing mistake so had to jump in shower and finish cooking while trying to get ready for dinner.

Mile Eleven: This is a random ending number. I DID IT!
My menu for myself:

- Herb roasted seitan with a mushroom gravy (vegan gravy?!)

- apple and walnut stuffing (you can see it all mashed together on my plate)

- cornbread (photo of this is before cook ing)

Didn't have time to make the pumpkin bundt cakes but was saved by no desert from my awesome bro who bought me a vegan pie home from work!

Reactions to my dinner ... we were in a food competition with three families. And I must say (and so did several others) my stuffing was pretty effing good. Best reaction of the night - woman from Philly trying to hide her disgust with my food choices . She wouldn't let me take a photo of her super disgusted face ... "oh. you don't eat meat?" She also looked at the cashews in the stuffing and asked if they were "bloated tics." Ahhhh red wine. Ahhhh gluttony.

Happy Belated Thanksgiving ... 500% thankful for my first thanksgiving in a long time that I didn't have to call home from a bad job whispering "mom? are you there? get me out of here ..."

TOFURKEY DAY - PART ONE

Oh shizzle, you have to prep this stuff? I always wondered why it took everyone all day to cook.

I've talked a big talk to the family about the vegan thing. Questions I've gotten on this trip home:

"oh no, you can't eat bread?"

"wait, you can't eat salad?"

"you can eat milk right?"

Okay, so obviously this concept is hard to grasp. My mom was really cute and loaded up her grocery cart with anything that said "vegan." So far I have yet to break open something called "vegan fruit dip." I don't know about you, but I really don't want to dip my fruit in anything.

Stuffing in the oven ... mom just ran over to my computer live streaming the parade to watch Santa. True story - she closed her eyes and quietly said "I believe, I believe." Yep. That happened.

Off to see if any of these dishes can actually be finished ... btw, I can't really chop onions. Both sisters tried to hide their shock at the fact that I just kind of hack at the chopping board. Try it ... way more fun.

GOAL #1 : PROGRESS IN THE KITCHEN

A little update on my original goal - learn to cook.

First of all, do normal people just read recipes and then ... make them?! Because all that happens when I look at a recipe is to panic because none of that stuff is in my fridge and then panic more because half the words sound like surgical procedures. And then order in. I figured if I was actually going to tackle one of these so-called recipes, I was going to have to watch someone else take them on. Sooooo ...

I splurged on the classes ... and then it took awhile to splurge on groceries to make what I learned in said classes. But last night, like an Oprah aha moment, I just did it. (jesus, I have to stop talking about Oprah) Did what you ask? Came home from work and without complaining, cooked us some non-frozen dinner. I think BF was just as confused as I was ... alright, so it took googling "how to roast peppers" to follow through - but the recipes are starting to make sense. Or at the very least, not send me into deep breathing exercises.

Tonight is NIGHT TWO of full dinner cooked with real, fresh food. They were by no means gourmet ... but then again, neither is the fake

chana masala that I could have defrosted.

Surprise of the night: I cut strawberries for desert and then remembered that in my hip vegan cooking class, I learned how to make chocolate ganache. Yes, yes ... I realize this looks

like I just dipped strawberries in chocolate. Which I kind of did. But I boiled almond milk to make that dip, dammit.

(half way through writing this, BF screamed "help! come in here!" ... he had poured boiling water into a plastic bottle so as to take outside. I don't feel so bad right now. Actually, I'm smirking.)

MAKE ME A (VEGAN) WIFE

Bite size back story: My entire life the word vegan has made me think of insane people who must not like enjoyment. When defending my choice to be a vegetarian I would always follow with "but I'd never be vegan. That's just severe." I remember my mom talking about her California family and saying things like "ohhhh, they got all california ..." (aka, they're hippies and a tiny bit strange.) To be fair to my mother, she also took a TM (aka really crazy meditations shit) class so she can't be that far behind them in hippie-dom.

Present day: I am a two week old vegan. Ohhhh, I'm such a cute little baby vegan. Like my decision to become a veggie, it happened cold turkey and because of a book. Could I have ever imagined all those years back when watching Clueless that Cher would turn me into a no-cheese-person? Well, in the words of the teen icon, meat and cheese is way harsh. And look at her, she's pretty hot.

Side note: any vegans out there that have suggestions on how to get through the holidays without cheese for my wine, speak now. Connecticut women are really serious about wine and cheese.

In an effort to convert BF (not because I like converting; because I don't want him to have a heart attack. Also, seeing abs would be nice) I took him to see a documentary about all this food shizzle. I won't lecture here ... mainly because I'd get facts wrong ... but if you're at all interested in finding out more check out the doc FORKS OVER KNIVES when it comes out.

On to the major problem at hand - I need to figure out a way to not eat rice and beans the rest of my life. Both because it's boring and because I'm starting to smell. Plus, I impulsively emailed my family that I would be making vegan thanksgiving ... and then realized I don't know how to make vegan anything, never mind the mother of all entertaining holidays.

My solution - SPORKS COOKING CLASS! Yee-haw, cute vegan sisters who teach class ... honestly, it was amazing-ness. You know that peaceful tingly feeling you get at the end of a yoga class? (good yoga class. not gym yoga) Well, these gals give you that feeling.

I mean, look how cute this little spork bowl is - their mom made it! I'm such a sucker for adorableness. (shit, major stuff is going down on breaking bad while I write this ... a shiv?! Get out of there!)

Here was their menu:

SOUTHERN THANKSGIVING FEAST – GLUTEN-FREE!

- Bourbon-Glazed Tempeh with Carrots
- Cranberry Cornbread with Whipped Lemon Butter
- Maple Candied Yams with a Marshmallow Topping
- Mini Spiced Pumpkin Bundt Cakes with a Chocolate Ganache

Let me start by saying - I hate pumpkins. Let me end by saying - I thought I hated pumpkins. Crazy awesome pumpkin bundt cakes. Everything else was crazy awesome too ... just thought I'd single out the desert. Since they cooked and I just watched, I don't have any embarrassing stories about how I didn't know what "slice the carrots" meant. I shall update with that post, post holidays. (ohhh, I love to be able to use the same word with a different meaning like that!)

A NIGHT OF DOMESTICITY

It's windy and cold and I'm keeping cozy by the fire... on the stove.

The last "meal" I cooked for the husband and myself was a bowl of oatmeal that ended horribly for us and the fly that died in my meager cooking. That was about a month ago and I can't stand to think about what Suze Orman would say about our habit of only eating out, plus I feel bad that I get to eat at work, while husband sits at home nibbling on dried fruit and nuts like a little squirrel person.

So I've got some Josh Groban blasting (what, he's totally awesome and appropriate for housewife activities) and I'm going to attempt to stockpile some food for the week to make Dan and Suze proud. And me too of course.

Oh - aaaaand there's a load of laundry in the washer... If I didn't know better I might think I'm a domestic goddess.

So far all I have going are these eggs... but I'm optimistic.

WHAT'S COOKING GOOD LOOKING?

Okay, I'm not really good looking in these photos. Rainy saturday ... aka my day off from sunscreen and makeup. (also I've been thinking - shouldn't sunscreen be covered for skin cancer patients? Nutrogena's been getting a lot of my money. Just saying.)

Cooking class #1 complete. The follow through was made a little easier by the fact that I dragged along BF. But it was FUN! A couple thoughts:

- we made really yummy candied nuts. Except the teacher kept saying things like "depending on how warm you like your nuts" and "if you like your nuts on the spicier side." Apparently no one else hears this and gets thrown into a fit of giggles.

- of course she made me crack the eggs for the class. This gives me hives. I must have ruined some pie in my past life by getting shell in the eggs.

- expensive knives make cooking easier. Reason #435 to get engaged so we can register for all this stuff that we'll use once.

- I finally found something in the kitchen I'm better at than BF - rolling empanadas. Only downside is that we'll probably never ever again make empanadas. Maybe we should've taken the Indian cooking class instead of tapas.

Major bonus of the class was that they "taught us how to make

sangria" and then served it. So I was sufficiently buzzed by the

time we sat down for the cute dinner we made.

Parting thought: If wine is served, I will go back for more! Goal 1.5: Cook one of these things at home. Probably the flan.

EEEECK I PAID MY $65

FOR COOKING CLASS!

I can write that off, right? Side note: have to get a good and shady tax guy. I say guy because they're more shady then the ladies.

I went with a tapas themed class because 1) I like tapas 2) it comes with sangria 3) it was the soonest class that didn't require cooking meat. I don't eat meat because I read that "Skinny Bitch" book when it was all the rage. Also, I was secretly trying to impress my Hindu boyfriend who then didn't eat meat ... but now does. So I win.

Here's the menu for the class:

• Marinated olives
• Spicy candied nuts
• Pure de garbanzo w/ pita toasts
• Manchego con Membrillo (Spanish cheese with quince paste)
• Tortilla Española & spicy salad
• Camarones Bravas - garlicky saffron shrimp
• Empanadillas Argentinas
• Flan with caramel designs

Alright, you got me. I also chose this class because it seems like a good starter one. How hard can marinating olives be?

(CUT TO: me crying in a vat of olive juice trying to make a dirty martini)

I'm a little excited - it only took starting a blog to make myself shell out $65 to learn how to make garbanzo with pita toast! Photos to come ... unless I burn down their kitchen.

GOAL #1

You know it's bad when ...

You come home to a boyfriend who's had a bad day ... and he's making you dinner. You know it's even worse when instead of helping you're just standing there watching him stir. (really, I'm bad at stirring.)

The crazy person in my head says "but audrey, you went to work. You deserve dinner cooked for you." But then New and Improved Audrey sits on the other shoulder and reminds me "hey loser, the rest of America works. Get over your job." Sigh, I'm going to have to stop using this excuse. On a side note - is it just LA or do other people feel like having a full time job gives them grounds to complain and be lazy?

So here's the deal - I HAVE TO LEARN TO COOK. I mean, how can I go around telling everyone and their mother (or is it just my boyfriend I say it to?) that I want kids on the nowish side of now when I won't even be able to cook them dinner? For the sake of my unborn children, I am going to learn to cook.

GOAL #1: COOKING CLASS. I'm thinking HIPCOOKS so that I can feel hip whilst cooking. And also because perfect fiance from first post recommended them.

BTW - I find the title of this book cruel. But hopefully I will have a post filled with joyous photos after my first class.